Published at: July 13, 2004, 4:57 a.m. CST by staff
Hey folks, Harry here... Ya know, sometimes, Variety is the funniest damn read in the world. Today is definitely one of those days.
The powers that be have decided to begin developing a remake of Cecil B Demille's THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. Which was in turn a remake of his own TEN COMMANDMENTS, and which Dreamworks essentially remade a few years back as their first animated feature with, THE PRINCE OF EGYPT.
Ok, this is obviously one of those kneejerk responses to the heavenly grosses of THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, and other than Revelations, the best special effects in the Bible are contained in the telling of the story of Moses which Demille entitled, THE TEN COMMANDMENTS for audiences around the world.
Now, my question is this... what sort of 10 COMMANDMENTS are they gonna deliver... They can't do the PG version, that's what Demille and Dreamworks did so well... so are they gonna go THE PASSION route? I mean, Jesus bled a lot, but Moses turned the entire Nile into a river of blood. I can't wait to see the festering boils on the skins of the Egyptians Aristocracy... or the Frogs and Locusts.... the Angel of Death / Passover sequence will be magnificent looking... BUT - here's the problem. Obviously the effects will blow the original's away... I recently saw it on the Paramount Theater's big screen here in Austin... and the bright blue glow lines around all the actors in front of those gorgeous matte paintings... well, I don't think that was the power of God.
Can they find actors as iconic as Charlton Heston.... Yul Brynner... Edward G Robinson... Vincent Price.... or what about JOHN DEREK? Heh. Or women as yummy as Debra Paget or Anne baxter or Yvonne De Carlo? But seriously... Moses is Charlton Heston in my memory. Yul is Rameses. The costume design, score, cinematography and acting are so iconically burnt into the conciousness of almost all American filmgoers that ... well, will audiences hunger for a new version that is about "better special effects?" I mean, this is being produced by one of THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW producers and written by Charles Randolph, an ex-Philosophy Professor, who wrote THE LIFE OF DAVID GALE and the upcoming Sydney Pollack directed Nicole Kidman starring film, THE INTERPRETER.
But be prepared faithful readers... after Gibson's PASSION, we're going to see other religious epics come back... THE TEN COMMANDMENTS has the scale of Lord of the Rings with the religious doctrine of The Passion of the Christ. The only actor that can say, "BEHOLD, THE HAND OF GOD," as cool as Heston is Samuel L Jackson... and I don't think they're gonna cast him. Yeah, that's how to remake it, QUENTIN TARANTINO'S THE TEN COMMANDMENTS!!! Watching Sam throw down the wrath of God upon those punishing his people would definitely put the coolness factor in, but they'll probably go for a young sexy Moses... I know, ASHTON KUTCHER!!! Heh... Boy, talkback is gonna be a bitch on this one... Bring in Uma as Nefretiri, Michael Madsen as Rameses, Bridget Fonda as Lilia. Pam Grier as Sephora! Oh man, this'd kick ass! hehehehe...
